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As women, one thing that makes us feel safe, loved, and sane is a constant connection with the people we care about.

Stated simply, when you connect with your (potential) man, you instinctively feel safe.

You think maybe if you reread that profile again, you’ll learn something new. After experiencing this repeatedly, one day you log on for a visit, see the “ONLINE NOW” status, and blurt out, “Fuck you! This process has turned you into a crazy person—one who’s blaming him when he hasn’t done one thing wrong.

Plus, when you visit his profile, you feel connected, and that makes you feel all warm and fuzzy, right? One night, you do a drive-by past his online profile and notice his status says “ONLINE NOW.” Instantly, you experience a moment of terror. Raise your hand if you know what I’m talking about.

the fall of 1964, on a visit to the World’s Fair, in Queens, Lewis Altfest, a twenty-five-year-old accountant, came upon an open-air display called the Parker Pen Pavilion, where a giant computer clicked and whirred at the job of selecting foreign pen pals for curious pavilion visitors. Within a year, more than five thousand subscribers had signed on. It would invite dozens of matched couples to singles parties, knowing that people might be more comfortable in a group setting. They wound up in the pages of the New York subscriber.

Until you’re exclusive, he doesn’t owe you his undivided attention (nor do you owe him yours).

When you’re dating someone offline, he could be dating other women and you just don’t have the ability to witness it.

I recommend you try hard—very, very hard—to avoid peeking at the ones who could be keepers. Most men use dating site apps on their smartphones.

Once logged in for a quick check, the phone will keep them logged in for the better half of the day, making it appear as if he’s always online. Single people are free to date anyone they wish, as often as they wish—it’s one of the perks of being single.

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